I Can't Stand Still by Nanki Kandhari

I Can’t Stand Still

I can’t stand still—

I get distracted easily.

Yet, I have given my heart to Him.

When we plan meetups

or go on dates,

I feel pulled away.

And so my feet take me

to the flower shop—

with beautiful blooms lined up:

Red roses,

sunflowers,

tulips,

and Forget-Me-Nots.

My Love!?

Oh no—

once again, I misplaced Him.

Got pulled away.

So once again, I searched.

Turned my detective self on,

traced my steps

back to Him.

And yes, I found Him—

quiet.

Off.

He looked at me,

as if to say,

"How can you just leave Me suddenly and go?" 

I explained,

"I can't stand still…

It’s like I have wheels on my feet,

or maybe I’m always riding a cloud."

"Seriously!!??" —

astonished, He said.

I felt ashamed.

But… I can’t help it.

I just go…

I asked for His forgiveness.

And He did.

And off we went,

to spend time with each other.

But—no, no—again

I felt myself drifting.

The smell of snacks—

Samosa,

kachori—ummm.

Next thing I knew—

a samosa in my hand.

Love?

Gone again.

(He sighed.)

This time He was like,

"You did that again." 

And I kept silent.

Head bowed.

The next day,

we went to the park,

walking hand in hand.

I was telling Him about my day,

my friend—Shivangi.

Then I heard one of my batchmates

gossiping about a girl...

And I jumped in.

Again.

I searched for Him.

Time passed.

But He was gone.

I went to His home,

and prayed

for Him to come back to me.

Feeling betrayed,

He denied.

But true love is powerful—

I repeated His words:

"It can transform everything." 

I promised Him

I would change,

from this moment itself.

And knowing it came from the heart,

He forgave me.

That night,

when I went to brush my teeth,

I focused only on brushing—

no thoughts,

no wanderings.

And for once,

I felt Him smiling—

even in my stillness.

Maybe love is this, too…

brushing your teeth,

mindfully.

I can’t stand still…

But maybe, tonight, I did.

Nanki Kandhari is a poet and English Literature student at University Maharani College, Jaipur. She is author of The Girl Who Spoke in Starlight (Bookleaf Publication), and her poems have been published in various anthologies after being recognized in the 2024 Wingsword Competition by Delhi Slam Poetry and winning 1st place in The Great Indian Poetry Competition (Notion Press).