The Tears Freely Fell
Jennifer Gurney
The tears freely fell
on my drive
in to school today
as I anticipated
your funeral
this afternoon
thinking what your family
must be feeling,
waking up to this
unfathomably
difficult day.
The tears freely fell
as I changed into
my black skirt
and top
remembering the last time
I had worn this outfit
to two funerals
in the same week,
something no one
should ever have
to do.
The tears freely fell
as I pulled into
the church parking lot
that was already
almost full
and still a half hour
before the service.
The tears freely fell
as I took my seat
in an empty row
of a church already
starting to fill up
with family and
friends of yours
so many lives you touched.
The tears freely fell
as photos of your life
played on a movie screen
and you seemed
larger than life
in your death.
The tears freely fell
as your sister told
stories that
mirrored my own
of my own older brother
and I.
Those tears fell
harder and faster
as I tasted the
truth in them
of loss and love,
of so many
unanswered
questions
that will leave a
forever-hole
in every heart present.
The tears freely fell
as your co-coach
told of your impact on
the youth here today.
And as they stood
in your honor
and clapped it out
together,
from across the church,
more of my tears
freely fell
to join theirs
wet on their young cheeks
many of whom
have never felt
grief before yours.
The tears freely fell
as your best friends and
younger brother
reflected on your
character,
your generosity,
your dedication,
your unwavering intention.
My tears joined their tears
and all the tears of
the hundreds of people
here today
to give voice to
our sadness
our loss
but also to our joy
at the light
you shone
in this world.
I’ll admit it -
I was a bit jealous.
For I didn’t know you.
I came to support
your parents,
who are friends of mine,
and your brother,
who is a friend
of my son.
But in the telling of your life,
I grew to know you today.
The tears fell freely
for the loss of a
good man
for the sadness
of your parents
brother and sister
players
friends.
The tears freely fell
For all the other
losses
I have sustained
and which now lie
a hair’s breadth
beneath the surface
save for times like these
when grief tugs on grief
and it rises to the
surface of the
human heart
and cries out in pain
with all other
grief it sees.
Grief is transparent,
it shows itself to all
and is known,
is recognized
in the showing.
For grief knows grief
and in comforting
the grieving,
we, too, are comforted.
And together we can
begin the long journey
toward healing.
Together,
our grief freely fell
with our tears
to try its best
to wash away
the heartache and loss.
The tears are
cried out for today
and we are left
spent
in their wake.
It is uncertain
when
they will return.
The only certainty is
that
they will return.
For now,
we lay down our tears
we lay down our grief
and we rest.
Jennifer Gurney lives in Colorado where she teaches, paints, writes and hikes. Her poetry has appeared in a variety of journals, including The Ravens Perch, HaikUniverse, Haiku Corner, Cold Moon Journal, Scarlet Dragonfly and The Haiku Foundation.
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